remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
