how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
