I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
