it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Randomize
