like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
