if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Randomize
