so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
