Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
