I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
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