I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
