i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Randomize
