I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
