i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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