I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Randomize
