he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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