is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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