Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
