That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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