my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
