it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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