I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
