Your dad touched me again.
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
