i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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