dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize