so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Blood and glitter go together right?
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
