I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
