Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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