If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
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