I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Walk of Shame today included voting.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
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