i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
