It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
