In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
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