nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
