I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Randomize
