she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
