I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
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