There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
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