Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
