home. puking in laundry basket.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
