party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
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