I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
