i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
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