At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
