Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
