Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize