You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Randomize
