my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
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