Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
That's when you crack a 10am beer
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Randomize
