Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Also, beer. Big fan.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
