my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
