I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Randomize
