i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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