You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
