it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
