So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
