Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Randomize
