At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
