I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize
