my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
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