I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
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