It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
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