There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
