We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
