Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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