omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
i came on her dog
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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