What a fucking waste of an outfit
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
