he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
