Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
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