the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Randomize
