I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize