I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
