For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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