Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
