Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I fill condoms, not promises.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
